I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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