first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
