If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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