he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
