Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
