I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
