So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
