Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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