guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
