I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
