Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
