The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Come on in and take your pants off
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