Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
