Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
