did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
