uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize