from now on my penis is your penis
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
