wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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