it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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