Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He passed out mid-signature
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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