woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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