she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
