Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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