His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
