i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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