i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize