Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
