i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sex in a hospital.. check
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
