I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
