Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize