The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
