Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
