Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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