I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
