i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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