just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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