By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
