he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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