You just made me feel so damn special
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
