I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
