its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize