A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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