The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
