I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
