I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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