I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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