I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
