I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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