i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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