You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
