Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
