there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
