the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize