i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
