I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
