There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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