I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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