Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
