I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize