Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize