I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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