when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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