Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
